Reviewer "Aristophanes": 2/10

Don't drink this root beer!  The bottle is emblazoned with several claims and slogans, all of them either misleading or simply false.  I will address each individually:

"Caffeine Free" - Most root beer is caffeine free.  Why not add "pesticide free", "BPA free" and "chicken tumour free" while you're at it?

"Only from the finest ingredients" - high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, flavour, ... 

"Hand Crafted" - Meaning what?  That the shift worker in coveralls used a fork lift to reload the high fructose corn syrup hopper?

"America's Favorite" - Perhaps the owner's daughter's name is America?

The bottle was flat, with no carbonation, and no head formation upon pouring.  It was very dark and opaque, suggesting a concentrated flavour, so I was surprised to discover it had no aroma whatsoever.  The taste reminded me of a melted freezie - alarmingly sweet, syrupy, and cloying.  I did detect a creamy vanilla taste, which is the only reason this root beer gets a 2/10 instead of a 0.  After drinking a third of the bottle, I dumped the rest down the drain. 

Some more information:

- Made in Everett, Washington.  This is also where Boeing assembles the 747 jumbo jet. Perhaps the aviation lubricant and root beer lines were accidentally crossed during bottling?

 - I acknowledge that the bottle may have been flat.  To be fair, if I see Teddy's again I will give it another try.  Reluctantly.